In Memory of Jay Turnbull

From Brandon Riffel

2009-05-29T11:02:00.002-05:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

My last final was for my Constitutional Law class, which I took May 15 at 7:30 a.m. One of the questions on the test asked how the Supreme Court decided that minors and the “mentally r-word” could not be sentenced to death (my teacher also didn’t use the word when we discussed the case in class, but for the purpose of the test she had to cite it the way the Justices did in the case). When I saw the r-word on the test, I immediately scratched it out to the point where it was no longer visible. Then, I wrote a note at the top of the question which read, “In honor of JT Turnbull I refuse to use this word.” At that point, I started thinking about how much JT and the Turnbull family has done for me. I thought of how it was so fitting that I honor JT on my last college exam because if I had never met JT and the Turnbull family, there is no doubt in my mind that I would never have graduated from college. When I got home and realized that the day I had been looking forward to for four years had finally come, I began to get emotional, but not because I had finally finished. Instead, it was an overwhelming mix of emotions because I started thinking about JT and how much I miss him and owe him for whatever I accomplish in life. I thinking about every memory that I had of him from the first time I met him until the last time I saw him. I couldn’t think of a better ending to my college career than to reflect on the people who made it all possible and the nicest people I will ever know, JT Turnbull and his family.

I will always cherish my relationship with JT and the Turnbull family. He is still and always will be an integral part of my daily life. I have learned to much from Jay, from the Jay’isms (“I’m fine,” and my personal favorite, “Duke is the best”), to his outlook on life and the things that brought him joy (spending time with his family, going to a nice restaurant, etc.). Rud and Ann, I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing JT into my life and for all the countless kind gestures you have extended to me. I am forever indebted to you.

Brandon

From Tom Riffel

2009-05-29T11:02:00.001-05:00

Ann and Rud,

I just wanted to let the both of you know what a privilege it has been to work with you and for you. Rud, you have been a great friend over the years. You and Ann are always there whenever anybody is in trouble or needs help. Your extremely good traits show in your daughters as well. They could have been used as role models for other parents on how to raise children.

Of all the things you have done for my family and myself (which is many), the greatest gift was JT. I will never forget him nor will my family. He is etched in my memory permanently. Many times during the day when I’m by myself, I think of him and all the fun we had for those almost 5 years. I don’t know what else to say except thanks again for everything. I feel like you have done so much for us that thanks is not enough.

Tom

From Nita Benito

2009-05-29T10:57:00.002-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

My thoughts and prayers have been with you every day since I heard of Jay’s passing. Please know that Jay’s life has had and continues to have a profound effect on so many, including my beautiful sons, Vincent and Joseph. Thanks to Jay, I learned what is possible for my boys! Thank you for sharing Jay with us.

Love,
Nita

From Timothy Shriver

2009-05-29T10:55:00.002-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I opened my copy of Exceptional Parent today only to learn of the tragic death of your son, Jay. I’m so sorry to be late in writing, but nonetheless I want to share with you both my deepest sympathy. I can only imagine the sadness of such a loss. Your words of tribute and celebration reprinted in the magazine was extraordinary. I hope someday to be able to attain that level of wisdom and faith.

I know that nothing will heal the emptiness that Jay has left in your lives and in the lives of so many others. But at the same time, I am inspired to believe that his love of life and his gifts to all of us are not defeated, but only changed – not ended, but still alive in countless mysterious ways. I join you in praying for him and for the peace which passes all understanding today and forever.

With sympathy,
Timothy P. Shriver
Chairman and CEO

From Stephanie Campo

2009-05-29T10:51:00.000-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I am so sorry for your loss of JT at such an early age and unexpectedly. I remember the many evenings at the Beach Center when we would get together and go to JT's beautiful home and we would sing together. JT proudly singing for his sister to be married. It was such a feeling of closeness and sharing -- a special time I will never forget. JT was handsome and friendly, and it was easy to see how he loved and enjoyed his life, family, and friends. JT's life was important and inspiring. Please know that you ad JT are remembered in my daily prayers. May God's great love and presence strengthen and encourage you.

Sincerely,
Stephanie

From Valerie Owen

2009-05-13T10:53:00.002-05:00

Dear Ann,

I saw Tom Skrtic and he told me about Jay. I was so very sad to hear. I know you and, especially, Rud's hearts are broken. I have such fond memories of Jay.

Two nights before you moved to Kansas, Rud gave Jay money to take me out to dinner. He and I had such a lovely time having pizza and sharing thoughts about the move to Kansas. I don't think he truly grasped that idea very much, but he seemed excited. Over the years I asked about him. Doug Guess often gave me updates when I saw him at TASH and I saw you a couple of times. Jay seemed happy and self-determined. Anyway, please know you both are in my thoughts. Jay was an inspiration to me as a young teacher and over the years I have shared the lessons he taught me with my university students. He has a long and powerful legacy.

Fondly,
Valerie

From Sally Roberts

2009-05-13T09:46:00.002-05:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to communicate my sorrow for the death of JT. This semester has already been long and arduous, and I often find myself neglecting those I care about in favor of those who squeal the loudest.

I know you realize the impact JT and your family have had on the field of disability in general, but you must also understand its affect on individuals like me. I am a true “baby boomer,” born in 1948 eight months after my father returned from serving in World War II (a preemie born one month early). It must have been a raucous homecoming, huh! I grew up in the 50s in a small western Kansas town and didn’t know anyone with a disability, or at least, I didn’t know the term. Both inclusion and zero inclusion were alive and well in Dodge City. We had both. I remember children in my classes who didn’t learn as well as I did. Jane had a seizure disorder and we all knew that she would periodically lose consciousness and writhe on the floor. We were all careful to protect her from hurting herself and it was expected that we would help her change clothes afterward. Those were certainly the days of truly heterogeneous classrooms. On the other hand, any child with significant disabilities had, I’m sure, been institutionalized soon after birth and we never knew. I had never seen a child with Down syndrome until I got to college and took a field trip to Winfield State Hospital. My undergraduate degree was in speech/language pathology and all of my clinical training occurred at the Institute of Logopedics, a private residential facility in Wichita. I was hooked! I found that I was really good at working with children and adults with significant cognitive disabilities, cerebral palsy, etc. Remember though, this was a residential facility and we had children from all over the world who had been sent there to live and receive care. Parents rarely came to visit. We were their families. Fast forward to my master’s degree in deaf education resulting in a job at yet another residential facility – the Kansas School for the Deaf. Again, I experienced families sending children with disabilities away from home to be cared for by someone else. Often I taught a class with a child in my lap with a 102-degree fever. I simply was not going to have that child lying sick and alone in a dormitory bed.

Imagine my surprise when I came to KU in 1983 and discovered that the chair of the Department of Special Education not only had a child with significant disabilities, that child lived at home. He was part of the family. His mother or father held him when he had a fever. And he was fun and funny and so special to everyone! The world of possibilities opened up, and again I was hooked.

So you see, Rud and Ann, JT and your family had a profound effect on me, on my future, and on my career. I knew that I would spend the rest of my life make sure that families had all of the knowledge and support I could give them to be able to provide their children with the best quality of life in their own home. Thank you both and thanks to JT, Kate, and Amy for showing me what was possible.

Love,
Sally

From Christie Mandeville

2009-05-13T09:37:00.002-05:00

I'm so sorry to hear about Jay. I thought about him often over the years as well as his family. One of my textbooks in college had a foreword by them, and many of my voc/transition papers referenced their articles. Jay was such a great individual -- what a personality. He's on you can't forget.

Yes, Jay and the mainstream class at Whitman, cemented my decision to go into special education.

Christie

From Penny

2009-05-13T09:35:00.002-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I've been meaning to write you for some time now to say how very said I am about Jay's death. He has served as an inspiration to many of us working in the area of disabilities. I know his loss is felt greatly by you and by the wider community.

With great sympathy,
Penny

From Joe K.

2009-05-13T09:34:00.002-05:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

I was deeply saddened to learn of the passing of your son. It is so hard to express one's feelings at a time like this. I see Frank Gray on the bus to work 3 days a week and he told me.

Joe

From Ellen Jensby

2009-05-13T09:31:00.001-05:00

Rud and Ann,

I am so sorry for your loss. All I can say is that Jay lives on in the lessons you both teach students like me who hopefully can, in turn, make a difference in the lives of others. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

Sincerely,
Ellen Jensby

From Lise Fox

2009-05-13T09:30:00.001-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I am at a loss for the words to express my sympathy to you and your family. Jay touched so many people, his life had such purpose. I hope that as time passes, you are comforted by the memories of a life well-lived.

Fondly,
Lise Fox

From Jan Blacher & Bruce Baker

2009-05-13T09:27:00.002-05:00

Dear Ann, Rud, Amy, and Kate,

I was out of hte country when I learned about Jay, and you have all been in my thoughts every since. I just couldn't come up with a way to express all of the emotions and memories, and finally decided on this simple note.

One of the first things I did was to try to reach Mike Dixon because I thought of how often Jay remembered Mike!

I also reflected on Jay and his place in your wonderful family, especially to all of the myriad contributions he made and the joy he brought you. In many ways, I think of Jay as the catalyst for a whole movement of the MR (now ID) field.

I send you thoughts filled with vivid and fond memories, and together Bruce and I send our sympathy and hopes for healing.

Jan and Bruce

From Holly Benson

2009-05-13T09:12:00.002-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I saw Jeanie Schiefelbusch and she told me that your beloved Jay had passed away. I am so saddened to hear this news and sorry that we were unable to attend his funeral and offer you our condolences in person. Coincidentally, we were in North Carolina at that time attending a memorial service for Marty's father.

I have such fond memories of being at your home when Jay was a teenager. Jay smiling contentedly while Amy and Kate sang and danced around him. I will never forget what Amy said about both of them playing music, but at different speeds.

Yours was an extra special family and a beacon of light for so many others. Jay was blessed to have the two of you -- so visionally and so loving -- to guide his life journey. I know I have felt blessed for the time you were in my life and will be forever grateful.

You are both in my heart and thoughts.

With admiration and love,
Holly Benson

From Shirley Behr

2009-05-13T08:56:00.003-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Jay touched the lives of thousands of people -- he was the shining example of what love is really all about. No matter the distance between us, Jay and his loving family have had a very special place in my heart.

You were both my incredibly wonderful mentors and so was Jay. His contributions to my life -- in Lawrence and beyond -- left me with a depth of understanding about the real essence of relationships, family, unconditional love, and faith in each other an in the future.

He lives on in my heart and my memory, and so do you.

With my profound sympathy and affection, Shirley

From Madeleine

2009-05-13T08:54:00.003-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

There are not words in the language to adequately express the extent of your loss and how sad it makes me feel. I extend my deepest sympathy to you and your family.

Love, Madeleine

From Patty

2009-05-13T08:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Our love and prayers are with you. Words are inadequate to say. We love you as we did Jay.

Love, Patty

From Holly Riddle

2009-03-09T09:01:00.000-05:00

Dearest Rud and Ann,

My heart breaks for you, the girls, and all the people who so loved and cared about Jay. My heart breaks, too, for the many of us who grew up feeling as if we were also somehow part of the Turnbull family. Truly, I believe we were and are yet, for a generation of families and professionals alike have become, through Jay, members of a "family of practice," committed to envisioning a future where others live, as Jay did, "the enviable life" upon which you have staked, as upon the highest hill top, your lives and careers.

I can't begin to recount all the stories that gave me the sense that we were growing up, as a field along side you, Jay and the girls: our "First Family." I remember the stories about J.T. going to camp in Chapel Hill. I remember Amy and Kate, somewhere along the way, beaming middle schoolers, telling a roomful of grown-ups what it meant to see their brother hanging out at school (and quipping that they could hardly see him as odd when their daddy wore bow ties!). What trail blazers all the Turnbulls were! Those stories--right from the start--inspired us and showed us the way to breath life -- real lives -- full of the constitutional principles, "policy on the books," and "policy on the street." Those stories were replete, Rud and Ann, with more, with a "policy of the heart," arising from the very core of our lives together as friends, family and community.

Then, there was that proliferation of writing and research, all of it brought to life in Jay... J.T. getting on the bus... Jay's first date... J.T. in the frat house (Where have I put my Jayhawks hat?)... Jay making music (songs to brush teeth by?!?) ... J.T. opening his home to friends (Darn it, I never mastered the hand shake.) Jay always gave back so much more than he ever asked of us. Family-centered practice, participatory research, full citizenship, mutual reciprocity, family quality of life (so beautifully articulated, Ann, as only a mother could!), family support, the core concepts of disability policy: all melded from your lives together with Jay, Kate and Amy, translated expertly, eloquently... policy emulating life, elevating our understanding. And still more memories... Your years on the Hill, Rud, and the statutory base you helped give us, for Jay and all people with I/DD. At each stage of Jay's life, we knew it could happen for others, since you rarely gave us the family tales without the policy tools and the research, to boot. Oh, what gifts Jay gave you and you gave us, your extended "family of practice." Veritably, those gifts transformed us and, over Jay's lifetime, took us into the Turnbull clan.

You will, dear Rud and Ann, go on even now, even in this time of sorrow. Jay Turnbull is wonderfully, fully alive in our collective memories. He lives through his sisters, his nieces and nephews, through the Beach Center and through its next-generation progeny. He lives in the work we do every day, work he so inspired. Jay allowed you to become our "First Family." His work and your own, so inextricably intertwined, is here with us, just as it also lies ahead, in each of our futures, and in the future of the field itself. Thank you, Rud and Ann, for giving us Jay. Not only is he your North Star, but also always and forever ours.

With deepest sympathies and deepest gratitude,

Holly Riddle
NC Council on Developmental Disabilities

From Wendy Bellack

2009-03-02T09:00:00.001-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I had the pleasure of meeting you many years ago at a conference in Florida. At that time my son was very young but you inspired me with your stories of Jay. I was so sad to hear of this loss to your family – he impacted so many lives – I know that I often thought about your family’s journey as I planned life for my son, Steve. I recall Katie and her poise when she spike about her college essay and with pride as she shared her stories.

I had lunch with Ann that day – it may have been at a National Parent to Parent – to this day I ask myself: “What would Ann and Rud do?” when I am faced with tough choices in helping Steven “get a life.” My daughter, Jill, is so much like Kate and makes me proud. One of the best things about this world with autism is having met folks like you to inspire a dream and keep you motivated. My kids were fortunate to be featured in a sibling video – thanks for helping show them the positive side of each other. I hope you know that we share in this loss of yours.

Sincerely,
Wendy Bellack and family

From Judy and Roger

2009-03-02T08:59:00.003-06:00

Dear Ann, Rud, and Family,

We are so saddened by the news of Jay's passing. Our hearts, prayers, and love go out to you.

His life, which provided such in-light-ment while here on earth to countless individuals will continue to shine in countless ways.

Love,
Judy and Roger

From Richard and Anne Gaeta

2009-03-02T08:55:00.002-06:00

Thank you to JT's family for allowing us into your lives and providing us the pleasure and privilege of becoming part of JT’s large extended family.

We will truly miss his presence as part of our visits to Lawrence sharing songs and jokes and food as we added to our memories of this unique and loving gentleman. Richard today remembered an important and moving moment when Jay turned to look directly into Richard’s eyes and said, “I like you Richard Gaeta.” His departure was too quick and, like my own brother’s, will surely feel as though your family portrait has turned from color to black and white. We join you in your sorrow, though know yours is deeper and become part of you forever.

I also have a notion that JT is now lounging on matching lounge chairs with Adad, being serenaded by John Denver – a picture that pleases me as much as the one here. All wishes for peace ‘til we see you once again,

Anne and Richard

From Laura Holsen

2009-02-26T15:30:00.001-06:00

Ann and Rud,

I was stunned and deeply saddened to hear about Jay's passing last month - such an incredible loss to your family, the Beach Center, the Lawrence community, and to those of us whose lives were touched by Jay. Jay's spirit and personality remained with me long after I was no longer his job coach at the Beach Center. I truly enjoyed working with him and learning from him during that time. I continue to remember the times we shared - singing to the oldies station while I took him around in my car on the mail runs we did around the KU campus, Jay laughing and smiling, the fun Jay had shredding paper. Those memories make me smile now, and I often find myself telling people about my time with Jay and how his life touched mine. I hope that these memories and my sharing of them (which I am sure is something that many of Jay's friends do throughout the country and world) will allow us to keep Jay's spirit in the world, because the world is better for Jay having been in it, and I am a better person for having known Jay.

Please know that my thoughts are with your family during this difficult period.

With condolences and deepest sympathy,

Laura Holsen

From Dr. Patricia O'Brien

2009-02-26T10:12:00.000-06:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

I was very sad to hear of the death of you son JT. Although I did not know him I had heard of him from many sources including yourselves many years ago at a conference in Australia. He inspired people through his many achievements in life, his friendship as well as his hospitality. He was so valued as a person and will be greatly missed. His life has had impact around the world and his many gifts did not go unnoticed but rather have left a legacy for those who follow.

Thinking of you both at this time. The staff of the National Institute for Intellectual Disability send sympathy and support. Take care in now looking after yourselves.

Sincerely,
Patricia

from: Nina Zuna

2009-02-26T09:16:00.000-06:00

Ann and Rud,

I hold both of you and your family close in my heart as you grieve and remember your beloved Jay.

May God, your family, and friends be your source of strength and comfort during this most difficult time.

With much love,
Nina

from: Kelly Troubridge and Alice Kitcher

2009-02-26T09:12:00.000-06:00

Ann and Rud,

Although working at CMTH now, I began at Lawrence High working with Ryan and reading your textbook at the VW. You and Rud's commitment to Jay and to the disability field inspired me and continue to serve as a model and vision for me to share with families I work with now.

My thoughts are certainly with you,
Kelly Troubridge

Ann,

I read about Jay in the KC Star. What a wonderful tribute to him and to you all his family. You are a sterling example of a loving family engaged in community.

Sincerely,
Alice Kitcher

from: Laurie

2009-02-26T09:05:00.000-06:00

Dearest Ann and Rud,

I am so sorry that Jay is gone. You all have been such inspired, courageous parents. I have always marveled at the strength within your family. Please know that you all are all in my thoughts. My mom heartfelt condolences on the loss of your precious son. Be well.

With very much love,
Laurie

From David Braddock

2009-02-19T14:46:00.000-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I was very saddened to hear the news about your beloved son Jay's death. I know there is nothing I can write or say to lessen the grief you must be feeling. But please know that your relationship with Jay powered a generation of advocacy for improving services to so many people as you well know, while helping inspire students, parents, and professionals all over our country and beyond.

Rud, I can still remember the day at CEC in 1973, as I recall, when I first discovered what I would later learn was Jay’s inspiration of your writing and rock-solid dedication to the field of exceptional child education, law and developmental disabilities. I was reviewing a manuscript at CEC for Grace Warfield, the editor of EC, and was astounded at the power and inspiration conveyed about DD in this policy-connected paper. Who was this author, I asked myself, source and was a “blind” review? It simply couldn’t be anyone I knew in the field because it was simply too powerful in its prose, too dedicated to advancing discovery, and too elegant in its expression of human rights to be anyone I knew. I knew a new force had come into the field of unrivaled person and a lifetime of talent to contribute to our growing field. I would only learn when the article came out nearly a year later that the author was H. Rutherford Turnbull, III. In the following 35+ years you have exceeded by orders of magnitude my high expectations for that shining story of a manuscript and its gifted, inspired author. It was your brilliance and Jay’s inspiration that have given us all so much. It is a great loss, but we cherish what Jay has given all of us; especially, we cherish you and Ann.
Love,
David

from:Sarah and Chris Niileksela

2009-02-16T11:18:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud, Ann, Amy, and Kate,

I've had this card over 2 weeks now, hoping the right words to say would come to me. Well, they haven't because there is no way to put my condolances or what Jay meant to me in words. I'm so so sorry for your loss. I only knew Jay for a little over 2 years but he was such a huge part of my life. He was this reliable, steady person in a world filled with so much uncertainty and chaos. He brought me down to earth and reminded me to appreciate the little things like how good singing your favorite song could make you feel. Life will never be the same without him, but I thank God every day for bringing Jay into my life. I hope that you all will stay in my life as well as your kindness and love made me feel so welcome. My love and prayers always.
Love,
Sarah and Chris Niileksela

from: Jane Schulz

2009-02-16T10:48:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Billy's 53rd birthday was last Thursday. After our celebration we spent a sleepless night dealing with his severe chest pain. I felt sure it was acid reflux ( based on past experience and our sinful birthday menu) but still had a lot of anxiety. The following day spent in arduous diagnostic procedures revealed that he has gall stones, not of immediate concern but indicationg surgery possibly in the near future. I was identifying with you so closely, just dimly imagining my life without him. I had also read just recently that this is the first generation of people with Down syndrome who will outlive their parents. And I know that if that happens he will be devastated, regardless of my careful planning. So we can't win, but can only appreciate the time we have with our amazing sons. I do know that is small comfort but it's all I have.

My knowledge of Jay and you goes back so far that my memories are different from most of your friends. I still think of him as Jay, knowing that he preferred J.T., and remember his beautiful curly hair, his winning smile, and his surprising behavior. But more than his actions, I recall your insightful and loving ways of dealing with them - your instinctive adjustments to allow him to live with respect and dignity.

When you realized that Jay's attachment to the tinker toy always present in hand was not "age appropriate" you substituted a clay pipe, which was. When it was time for him to go to work, you found a job in which he could wear a coat and tie according to his wishes. You went to boundless ends to create a job and a remarkable living situation, allowing him freedom and still a close connection to his family.

I am aware of some of the numerous embarrassing and frightening experiences you and Kate and Amy had with Jay. We have had some of those too. Kate's beautiful piece reminded me of Tom's story when he and Billy were traveling together and stopped at a welcome center to use the bathroom. The urinals were filled with truckers, Tom, and Billy. As they were occcupied, Billy reached over, touched Tom's shoulder, and declared in a loud voice, " I love youTom." Our children learned from us, to laugh. That ability transfers to many life situations, as I'm sure your daughters have also learned.

Remember the carrot cake ? We were so busy working on our book that we didn't notice, until it was too late, that Jay had eaten the whole cake. And what did we do? We laughed. When I think of you and Rud now, I see your laughter mingled with your tears.

Your loss is my loss, too. I do know, however, maybe more than most of your friends, that Jay's contributions through your efforts, understanding, and accomplishements, speak to a life of greatness for you and for him.

I love you and I ache for you, my dear and precious friends.
Jane Schulz

from: Jane Schulz

2009-02-16T10:47:00.000-06:00

from: Alicia Clair and Cindy Colwell

2009-02-16T10:23:00.000-06:00

You are in our thoughts and prayers,
Cindy Colwell

Dear Ann and Rud,

Though a bit of time has passed, I wanted to convey our thoughts and feelings of appreciation for the gifts that Jay brought to us in music therapy. He was a delightful teacher for all of us and his lessons were clear - He always shared them and himself with joy. Sometimes he was puzzled, I think at our limitations to understand, but in the end he " got it across." His life was a blessing in so many ways that it is impossible to know. It would have been wonderful to have had him with us longer, but angels often have a great deal of work to do. He was, and is, an angel to so many.

Thank you for sharing Jay with us - and for all your generosity and hospitality to music therapy students and professionals. Through your willingness to include us in adventures of learning and development so many have gained so much. Through all those who have known you and Jay the legacy goes on and on and on. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Alicia Clair

from:Pam Lathrop

2009-02-16T09:56:00.000-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I don't expect you to remember me, but I babysat for your children many moons ago ago. You two were in New York for the McNeill-Lehr report, as I recall. We all watched on tv to see if Rud would tug his ear. Although my memory has faded, I will always remember what wonderful parents you were. I have a memory of taking Jay to a James Taylor concert at the Starlight Theatre. He sang out loud to his heart's content. I also have a memory of Ann making a pecan pie for me. I always remember good food! My parents moved to Lawrence several years ago, and heard Rud speak at their New Generations group. My mom recently told me about Jay's passing. I just wanted to offer my sympathies. It was nice to read about what a fine man Jay turned out to be. You two are an inspriration.

I hope that you are taking care of yourselves during this difficult time. You are in my thoughts, and I wanted you to know that I have not forgotten your kindness after all of these years.

Pam Lathrop

from: Leslie Walker- Hirsch

2009-02-13T10:58:00.002-06:00

Dear Turnbull Family,

Please accept this contribution to the Jay Turnbull Fellowship.

Although I did not know Jay Turnbull personally, I know how his life motivated so many families. I have often relied on his famous handshake to transition teens into more mature social behavior.

I am so sorry for your loss and can only imagine your sadness.

Leslie Walker-Hirsch

from:Pat Porter

2009-02-13T09:54:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I was so sad to hear of Jay's death. What an impact he had on so many of us....inspirational is too small a word to describe his life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Pat

from:Shirley

2009-02-13T09:43:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

Jay touched the lives of thousands of people - he was the shining example of what love is really all about. No matter the distance betwen us, Jay and his loving family have had a very special place in my heart.

You were both my incredibly wonderful mentors - and so was Jay. His contributions to my life - in Lawrence and beyond - left me with a depth of understanding about the real essence of relationships, family, unconditional love, and faith in each other and in the future.
He lives on in my heart and my memory - and so do you.

With my profound sympathy and affection,
Shirley

from:Connie Zienkewicz and Leslie

2009-02-13T09:36:00.002-06:00

Ann and Rud,

At the OSEP Parent Center Conference I heard references to your work and that of your colleagues. But, today someone mentioned building an enviable life and I was so proud to think of the life you enabled by JT! May God bless you as you learn to live life without him. Thank you for your example of great things for people w/disablities.

Connie Zienkewicz

Ann and Rud,
I've always felt such genuine interest and friendship from you both. Your passion and expertise in your work is a gift - thank you for sharing it. I have kept you in my prayes, wishing that I could somehow ease your pain. But, I know that the intensity of the hurt felt when we lose someone we love is equal to the intensity of the love we have for them. I know that you will always hold JT very near to your hearts, as it should be.

Love,
Leslie

from:Mary Adamek

2009-02-13T09:31:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I was so very sorry to hear of Jay's death. As you have said so many times - Jay was your best teacher. I think about that each semester when I show the wonderful video that you made and contributed to AMTA. When we talk about families, we talk about the Turnbulls - especially all that Jay taught us at the AMTA conference.
Thank you for sharing your son with us that day - and ongoing in the video.

Much love and peace,
Mary Adamek

from:Doug and Patty Gerdel

2009-02-13T09:24:00.002-06:00

Rud and Ann,

We were on vacation when Jay passed so we weren't able to attend his memorial service.
Just wanted you to know we think of you often and can't imagine the sorrow you are feeling. Jay's life was so full with family, friends, music and community - all of the things we want for our children.
We know you will find strength in each other as you face the difficult days ahead. So many beautiful memories are yours forever !

Love,
Dooug and Patty Gerdel

from:Toni Hill

2009-02-13T08:45:00.002-06:00

Rud and Ann,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope in your sorrow you can take heart that through your son's life and it's meaning, much in the world has changed because he lived ! We should all strive for that kind of purpose.
My husband and I, along with thousands of other parents are grateful for what you three accomplished together to make our world more accommodating and accepting.
My heart is with you both. Though we have not met in person yet, I feel we are friends. I hope our paths will cross soon.

With my sincere sympathy,
Toni Hill

from:Barbara

2009-02-13T08:23:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Thank you Rud for taking time to talk this morning. You and Ann have been on my mind for days. My heart aches for you both and for the girls too. JT's death was such an unexpected tragedy yet never a way to really prepare for the loss of your child, brother and friend or your life thereafter.

Rud all day I have thought about your comment when you said JT's life mattered. It seems like that phrase needs to be on a neon sign for the world to see because it did matter. He taught the entire disability world that life could have REAL meaning and normalcy no matter what. He allowed his life to be an open book so we all could benefit from what he learned and experienced and from what he knew about himself. He also allowed you Rud and Ann to be the voice so that we were able to learn from all three of you. He was brave and you all have been tenacious, dedicated and committed to making " better" possible. Yes, JT your life mattered.

This journey, this walk forward I am sure will be a difficult one. Call on us, your friends to help you when you need help. For God's sake you have held us all up and supported us when we have needed your support. Call if you need me, even if you don't think you do.

Have a safe and wonderful trip to Spain and let's get together for food and drinks when you get home. I will come to Lawrence. I am so sorry I missed celebrating JT's life with you. I was out of town when he passed away. We can have another celebration after you get back.

I love you both and I hope you feel my arms around you.

Barb

From Cheryl Utley

2009-02-12T12:58:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann & Rud,

I’m so sorry to hear of the untimely death of your son, Jay. I lost my father to an untimely death. Since that time, I have been searching to understand death and its true meaning. This search led me to understand death from a Buddhist perspective, one that alleviated fear, anger, sadness, and regret. Buddhism teaches that we repeat the cycle of birth and death continuously. Death can be likened to sleep. We feel rejuvenated when we wake from a good night’s rest. Similarly, we can view death as a time to refresh our lives for our next existence. Death then, just like sleep, is not something to be feared.

The second President of the Soka Gakkai, International, Josei Toda described rebirth as follows: “While our lives melt into the universe, they do not blend in with the lives of others. Each life retains its integrity and experiences joy and sadness depending on the person’s actions while alive – as though crying or laughing in a dream” (Lectures on the “Expedient Means” and “Life Span” chapters of the Lotus Sutra, vol. 3, p. 111). Compared to eternity, a short or long life makes little difference. What becomes important is that each of us strives to live a life of quality based on a sense of mission. The question becomes “What are you living for”?

Your son, Jay, had a profound mission during his lifetime that has enabled all of us to experience joy and happiness and know the true meaning of respect for the dignity of life.

Your friend
Cheryl Utley

From Rhonda Faragher

2009-02-12T12:38:00.004-06:00

Dear Ann,

When I read Nina’s email informing of the unexpected death of JT, I was keenly aware of how much I wanted to write to you. I would rather give you a hug but that will have to wait for another time. I must apologize for the lateness of this letter. I have been away from email and have only just received the news.

I never met JT but his life has clearly been inspirational to so many. I loved your foreword in Bill Gaventa’s book on Spirituality and Disability. I read the part about JT’s response to music to my husband (Michael, recently ordained Anglican priest, long-term musician), and we shared the joy of thinking of another of God’s kingdom who understands the power of music to show a glimpse of heaven. Lovely to think, too, that JT is now enjoying more than a glimpse.

I do hope that in this time of deep sadness, you and all your family will be comforted by those who love you – and in particular our Lord Jesus.

As for me, I give thanks for all that JT inspired – particularly your work in quality of life that has helped so many families, including my own.

With much love,
Rhonda Faragher
Australia

From Brad Nelson

2009-02-12T12:31:00.003-06:00

I am a bit embarrassed to tell you that it was not until I saw the photo of Jay in the Journal-World that I even knew he was your son. During my time at the CRL, I had the good fortune of always having a decent office. My favorite for sure was a SPED faculty office in the old Dole Center. I knew your son during that time as the guy that would walk by my open office door daily, reach in and turn off my light switch! I credit Jay for the appreciation I gained for the common incandescent desk lamp – I learned to keep those terrible fluorescents off all the time. Jay knew they weren’t good for work, and, after a lot of training, I was in the know as well!

The only thing else I can think to say is thanks – thanks for all that you’ve done on Jay’s behalf and all those whose lives you’ve enriched and inspired over the years.

My thoughts, prayers, and best regards,
Brad

from:Pam and Don

2009-02-12T10:40:00.014-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

We have thought of you so often since learning that Jay passed away, and our hearts ache that you have lost this treasure.

At the time we received the news, Pam was reading Maya Angelou's new book, Letter to my Daughter. It is comprised of poetically beautiful essays on a wide range of of thoughtful topics, and one of them reflects on the loss of a loved one. She writes " Then I find myself filling with rage over the loss of a loved a beloved. I try as soon as possible to remember that my concerns and questions should be focused on what I learned or what I have yet to learn from my departed love. What legacy was left which can help me in the art of living a good life.?"

That question is so easily answered when it comes to the legacy that Jay leaves all of us. His life really made a difference. The advances in the quality of life for people with disabilities exist because of you and the lessons you were so wise to learn from Jay. Then know that these lessons will not stop because Jay is no longer with us, but anticipate that there will be new reflections and new courses ahead to be charted.

We will remember Jay with love and gratitude.

Love,
Pam and Don

from:Leslie Soodak

2009-02-12T10:24:00.007-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I think of you both each day since hearing of Jay's sudden passing. I know not what to say other than to tell you how much I feel for you, Kate and Amy. I have learned so much from you, and you from JT, about the love and joy of family.

I am so grateful to have met JT. I felt incredibly welcomed into his home. He lit up the room with his smile, his energy and his music. I know that his light will shine on in the hearts of those who knew him. He will continue to inspire us through stories shared and words yet written.

Distance does not keep me from feeling your pain and wishing you to know of my love.

With love and warmth -
Leslie Soodak

from:Allison and Trip Frizell

2009-02-12T09:31:00.005-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Trip and I were so very saddened to hear of Jay's recent passing. I had the opportunity many years ago to spend time with Jay, when Shahla Alai was working with our son, Tom. In the years that followed, I often saw Jay out and about, and enjoyed watching his seeming ability to navigate so well through his world. He obviously had many friends throughout Lawrence, and our community will surely miss his presence.
Though we've never met, you two have been a sort of distant guiding force for Trip and me over the years. There is no question that Jay's freedom and independence was the result of insightful and forward-thinking parents. We strive to follow your fine example.

Our thoughts and hearts are with you - we can't imagine the magnitude of your loss. We only hope it is tempered by the richness of your family's years together.

Sincerely,
Allison and Trip Frizell

from: Janice

2009-02-12T09:13:00.005-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Yes - the circle you nurtured around, through, and with J.T. remains with all of us and even with folks who haven't been born yet. His presence and teachings have been a part of our family's journey. We've drawn energy and ideas from him and the way he lived. Thank you for allowing so many to know J.T.

I wish I could have been with you at the memorial - to hear the stories. I am sending you a CD of music for those moments when you need to rock in your chair or tuck yourselves under a blanket. I also included one of my favorite poems. The author captures the aches of loss and offers bits of comfort when there is no comfort.
With love,
Janice

From: Parent to Parent, New Zealand

2009-02-11T10:35:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann, Rud, Amy, Kate, and families,,

Please accept our sincere condolences for the very sad loss of Jay, your much-loved son and brother.

We hope it brings you some comfort to know that Jay's legacy will live on.

His life, and the experiences of your family, have inspired parents throughout the world, and given them the hope and courage to pursue an enviable life for their disabled sons and daughters - a life just like Jay's.

Our love and thoughts are with you at this time. Kia Kah (Stay strong.)

From all of us here at Parent to Parent New Zealand

from: Paulette Strong

2009-02-11T10:29:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

After returning from a trip, I was saddened to hear that Jay had died. He was a fine man who had a great sense of integrity. I fondly remember how fellow students enjoyed his humor and regarded his sense of right and wrong as a model for themselves. Also, the memory of the love both of you displayed for him will always be with me. He was fortunate to have you as his parents.

May you find comfort in your faith:
"My soul finds rest in God alone;
My salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
He is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalms 62:1-1

In Christ's love,
Paulette Strong

from: Mike Ruef

2009-02-11T10:22:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Somehow I was drawn to the Beach Center webpage and was then stunned to learn of J.T.'s death. Since that day a week or so ago, I have talked with both Bob Banning and Mary Morningstar. Both Katharina and I have been thinking of you ever since. One of the nightmares that troubles me the most is that of losing one of our girls. I know you are both strong individuals but please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you. As Jay was your "best buddy - best man" he was my best teacher.
He should know that 5 parents and I have opened an autism spectram center here on the Central Coast. I am sure he does know.
Warmly,
Mike, Katharina, and girls

from: Dee and Michael Steinle

2009-02-11T10:17:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

I only recently learned of Jay's passing. I am so sorry that I wasn't at his memorial service. Michael and I extend our deepest sympathy to you and your daughters. Jay was a source of happiness to me nearly every day when I passed through Haworth Hall. He always remembered me and said " hello." Jay was one of God's perfect people in this mortally damaged world. He will be missed so much.

With Friendship and Affection,
Dee and Michael Steinle

from: Alice Schippers

2009-02-11T10:03:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and family,

What a sad news about the sudden death of your beloved son Jay.

You always talked about him with much warmth and inspiration. Thank you of having known him in this way.

I will wish you all the strength you need in these weeks and the near future.

You are in my heart and my prayers.

Warm wishes and love,

Alice Schippers
~ The Netherlands~

from:Jim

2009-02-11T10:00:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

I was so terribly saddened to learn about Jay. What devastating news for you and the girls.

Over and above the joys he brought to your lives, the impact of his life in inspiring and in forming your important work will live on for a very long time indeed. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jim

from: Cheryl and Dave

2009-02-11T09:29:00.019-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

As Dave and I drove through the sunset drenched Catalina mountains last Wednesday and listened to your voicemail, Rud, we were overwhelmed with sadness for you, your family and the enormous family you have built through the Beach Center. The majesty of the mountains and the profundity of your message merged for a moment and we were not afraid for Jay or you or ourselves, for that matter. Because love has prevailed in your lives and Jay has been the catalyst for so much good in the world. Even as we ache for you we celebrate the Turnbulls, Jay most especially. You all have moved mountains through your care and concern for each other.
It is an honor to make a contribution to the fellowship you have set up.
We long to see you and wrap our arms around you and raise many a toast to life - and to Jay.

Love,
Cheryl and Dave

from: Kathy, Randy, Robyn, and Emily

2009-02-11T09:08:00.006-06:00

Dear Ann, Rud, Amy, and Kate,

I want to express our deepest sympathies for your loss. I can only imagine the loss of a child or a sibling. How profound this time must be for you all. Jay was known and loved by so many, and had such a positive impact on so many in our field. I hope you are getting time to take care of youselves. My first reaction was to call you right away but I knew that so many people would be doing the same. Our thoughts have been with you all at this difficult time.

Love,
Kathy, Randy, Robyn, and Emily

from:Marty Ford and Jeff Schwann

2009-02-11T09:05:00.005-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

We are so sorry about the loss of your son, Jay.

Jay was a remarkable young man whose life had a tremendous impact on so many people. Through your work, his impact on others will live on for a long time.

We are thinking of you and your family and will keep you in our prayers.

Mary Ford and Jeff Schwann

from Judy Jagger

2009-02-11T08:46:00.005-06:00

Dear Ann, Rud, and Family,

I was so sorry to learn of Jay's passing the beginning of January.

My memories of him in music therapy at LHS, his big smile, guitar lessons at your home, and his love of John Denver's songs have always been with me.

Your love and dedication to Jay's whole life have been an inspiration to so many people. I continue to work with young adults in the 18 -21 Transition program in the Shawnee Mission Schools.

Jay's life and accomplishments will always be an inspiration to us all.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

Very sincerely,
Judy Jagger

from Leslie and Elizabeth

2009-02-11T08:42:00.005-06:00

JT's time on this earth was way too short. The limited time he spent on the planet, he touched and uplifted many. Through the Jay Turnbull fellowship he will continue to make his mark on the world which ultimately leads to a brighter future for us all.

JT's legacy lives on. We are so proud to know his parents and his sisters for they have shaped the wonderful human being that he was.

With love,
Leslie and Elizabeth

from Dan Boudah

2009-02-09T11:59:00.002-06:00

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son.

All the very best to you,

Dan Boudah

from Teresa McMahan

2009-02-09T11:38:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Thank you for the lessons that you taught me about your life with Jay. I have tried to pass that wisdom on to thousands of early intervention teachers, who in turn may impact the people in their lives. I am thinking of you everyday.

Sincerely,
Teresa McMahon

from Sharon Vaughn

2009-02-09T11:19:00.006-06:00

Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the loss of your son. I remember a speech you gave more than 20 years ago that referred to the influence he had on your lives. It touched me profoundly.

My sincere sympathy,

Sharon Vaughn

from Robin Joseph

2009-02-09T11:01:00.008-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

You have my deepest sympathy. I know it is hard to lose someone you love and especially a child. My dad died the day before Jay or I would have come to visitation. Jay was in my summer school student teaching when he was about 16, at Cordley. I also had a class with you, Ann. I did not get to know Jay very well in such a short time, but I remember him being very talkative and delightful. I have been teaching students like Jay, mainly TMH, middle school for 24 yrs. and I still love my job. I have talked about you all many times because of an article in the paper that touched my heart. It was about changing as an adult, his behavior especially. You hired people to be his friends and continue social activities so that he had a full life. I have encouraged many a parent to do the same instead of the child staying at home, only dealing with family. So Jay has influenced my career and thoughts many times. Thank you for the work you do and may you be blessed with comforting memories and peace of mind.

Love,
Robin Joseph ( Meserole - maiden name )

From Susan Maude

2009-02-09T08:23:00.000-06:00

Dear Turnbull Family,

On behalf of the Division for Early Childhood (DEC), I would like to extend our sympathies for your recent loss. Many of us were introduced to JT as we began our undergraduate or graduate special education studies in the first Parents Speak Out. Although we may have not met him, we feel that we have grown up with him due to the stories shared about his journey in your presentations, research, and publications. Through your collected voices, JT helped impact practices in early childhood to be more reflective of and supportive to the family. The fields of early intervention and early childhood special education will always be indebted to JT and his time here on earth.
Susan P. Maude, President

Division for Early Childhood

from: Rashida Bauejee

2009-02-06T09:47:00.010-06:00

Hello Ann and Rud,

I just heard the news. It is a complete shock! I still have clear distinct memories of JT - with his cap and his roller bag. We often met in the elevator, in the foyer in front of LSI, or on the third floor of Haworth - he was always a gentleman and always responded to a greeting, however pre-occupied he seemed. I remember the graduation party in 2004 in JT's house on Alabama St. after I completed my master's. He leaves wonderful memories - that we will cherish!

I am sure it is hard to believe that someone you loved and was such integral part of your life is no more. Our wishes and prayer are with you and Kate and Amy and other members of your and the Beach Center family. We would have loved to be with you at this time - but I know you are surrounded by loved ones.

We are thinking of you !
Love,
Rashida and Deb

from Paul

2009-02-06T09:35:00.007-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I am overwhelmed with sadness for your loss of Jay. No parents should ever outlive their child especially one who brought so much joy into the lives of others. While I did not know Jay, stories abound of the light he brought into a room.

I can't even pretend to understand why their valuable life is taken away at such an early age. My oldest is in medical school and we have talked often about how you approach such a tender issue.

What you two did for Jay, empowering him to live a life like he did is an inspiration to all of us...Way, way more than book, articles, and talks.I am so proud to say I know you and have you as colleagues.

You are in the discussions, thoughts, and prayers of our family.

Be strong - Best,
Paul

Sincerely with all the compassion,
Paul

from Heather Aldersey

2009-02-06T08:43:00.006-06:00

Dear Rud, Ann, and Family,

I cannot even begin to express my sense of loss in hearing of your son's passing. It is clear from the postings on the memorial blog that JT brought great joy to many. I regret not having the chance to get to know him personally. I have never been more motivated to begin a career in disability and quality of life than I have been this past week, while learning about all of JT's accomplishments and reading messages from those whose lives he touched. You must be very proud of the life JT lived and I wish your family strength and peace in these difficult times.

Sincerely,

Heather Aldersey

from Susan Copeland

2009-02-06T08:34:00.011-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Please accept my deepest condolances. Nothing can make it better, but I hope you will find some comfort in knowing that your son's life, his challenges and his triumphs, have touched countless lives. I have not forgotten your kindness in talking w/me several years ago at TASH to help me sort out some issues related to my own brother and our attempt to create a supportive system of supports. The articles and presentations you've shared regarding JT's life continue to challenge and inspire students and others in our field.Some of the richest discussions my graduate students engage in are in response to your writings about JT and your family. Thank you for sharing.
Know that you and your family will be in my prayers each day -

Susan Copeland

from Mary Shea

2009-02-06T08:32:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann, Rud, Amy, Kate, and family -

I am so sorry to hear of Jay's death. He surely sounded like an extraordinary young man who left his mark on the world.

Sincerely,

Mary Shea

from NDSC

2009-02-05T09:46:00.003-06:00

Dear Ann, Rud, and family -

We were so very sorry to hear of your loss. Jay was a truly special person.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

David Tolleson and Board and Staff of the National Down Syndrome Congress

from Jim and Clenese Hills

2009-02-05T09:36:00.006-06:00

Rud, Ann, Amy, Kate, and all of your family -

I well remember Amy's love and affection for Jay. She talked about him often when she was in my English class at South.

Jay made a substantial difference in Lawrence and he will be missed.

Jim and Clenece Hills

From Jackie Yingling

2009-02-05T09:09:00.001-06:00

Dear Ann,

I hope that you do not think it is presumptuous of me to send you an email at this time, but I wanted to extend my sincere sympathy regarding the loss of your son. I want you to know that Jay's life was "an enviable life", one that I hope I can replicate for my daughter. You and your family are an inspriration to many. Jay's life has made a huge difference in the lives of others. I hope that this knowledge can comfort you at this time.

Thanks so much.

Jackie Yingling

Rochester, NY

from Alice-Ann

2009-02-05T08:51:00.011-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

What can I possibly say except how very sorry I was to hear of Jay's passing. I understand the memorial service was beautiful, and that Kate is indeed her parents' daughter - so poised and articulate. I so wish I could have been there to celebrate JT's life. He has certainly been such an inspiration to so many people, including scores of music thereapy students and therapists. I grieve for all the students who will never know JT.He was such a shining example of the power of music.

This is the semester I show music thereapy and Family Quality of Life to my class. It will be difficult to watch knowing JT is not longer with us, but I know his story will continue to inspire my students, as it has every student who has watched that tape. What a gift!

Please know that JT had a wonderful life and family. He was blessed, as we all were, for 41 years. His memories will stay with us all for the rest of our lives.

I love you and am thinking of you !
Alice-Ann

from Melissa Rader Little

2009-02-04T11:27:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

My mom called me about Jay's passing, and I just wanted to write you as well to say I'm thinking of your family at this time. You have offered me much inspiration in my own life, as we continued to care and plan for Matthew, now 19 ! Through Jay's life, you have given so much to so many.

Warmest regards,
Melissa

from Faye Watson

2009-02-04T11:23:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Upon my return from out-of-town, I read of Jay's death and am so very sorry for your loss. He was a beautiful young man and he was so fortunate to live his life with you as his parents. You taught him so well that life is full of friendships and love, and that one can succeed in spite of misfortunes.

A Shoshone medicine man asked, " If the dead be truly dead, why should they still be walking in my heart?"

May your warm memories bring you peace.

Your friend,
Faye Watson

from Eileen Bazelon

2009-02-04T11:03:00.003-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

The Bazelon family wishes to express our sadness at the death of Jay. We can only hope that your memories of him will comfort you in your loss. Jay msut have been an inspiration to you and everyone around him.

We are enclosing a donation to the foundation. It must be very gratifying to know that his name will continue in the good works that he inspired.

Fondly,
Mickey and Bob
Rick and Eileen
Dana, Emily, Lara, and Jill

from Ina and Fred

2009-02-04T09:58:00.006-06:00

Dear Rud, Ann, and family,

Ina and I are writing to extend our condolences to you and your family. Any parent who truly loves their children would admit that in the deep recesses of their inner being the loss of a child seems unsurvivable. It is truly a test of human resiliancy.

We did not know Jay but we read Kate's eulogy and got a sense of Jay and the dynamics of the Turnbull family. From Jessica's description of the weekend it truly was a celebration of a life.

As time passes it is our hope and prayer that the hole that exists from your loss is filled with loving memories tha sustain you and keep Jay close to you forever.

Ina and Fred

from Fred and Irene

2009-02-04T09:53:00.007-06:00

Rud and Ann,

Every child is special and losing that child brings with it a profound grief. Our words alone cannot diminish that grief. But please know that we mourn with you for a person who has, indeed, had such a deep impact on so many. We understood so much through Jay's life and through seeing him through your own lives. He was a part of all of us. Please accept our deepest condolences. May the memory of Jay's incredible life bring comfort in the days to come.

Our love,
Fred and Irene

from Liz and Chris Hoyt

2009-02-04T08:22:00.009-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,
We are so sad to learn of Jay's death. My heart aches for you and your family.
I feel fortunate to have spent even the brief time I did with Jay, and I am glad that our entire family was able to meet him. His life is a real inspiration to not let obstacles stand in the way of living a full and good life.
Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Liz and Chris Hoyt

from Mike Brownell

2009-02-03T10:12:00.002-06:00

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of J.T. You and your family have my most sincere sympathies. JT was a remarkable individual who permanently touched and enhanced the lives of all who had the privilege of knowing him. I am a better person for having known JT, and he will never be forgotten. You and he will be in my thoughts and prayers.....
Mike Brownell

From Lauren Priest

2009-02-02T14:41:00.004-06:00

What a Difference One Person Can Make

An average person will touch the lives of their family and a few close friends in their lifetime. Maybe a great person will do a little bit more and leave their mark on their community. Jay Turnbull, however, not only touched, but changed the lives of his family, a huge circle of friends, the entire Lawrence community, and inspired many people, including myself, who are now all over the country changing the lives of others with disabilities. If it isn’t an extraordinary accomplishment, I don’t know what is.

Jay was a great friend. Probably a better friend than most will ever be. He greeted everyone with a smile and handshake. If you were sad, he would remind you to smile. He reminded you to sing, dance, and eat great food. He never spoke ill of anyone. He always forgave you unconditionally, no questions asked. He never asked for or expected anything more than our time. In fact, there was nothing that Jay love more than just being with people. And when you were with him, you slowed life down just long enough to remind yourself of what it is really about in the first place. Love. I have never known a friendship as pure and unconditional as Jay’s, and Jay certainly was a once in a lifetime friend.

On so many occasions, Jay and I would go on outings out in the Lawrence community where on just a short trip; he would run into a half dozen people who knew him by name. Restaurants, stores, various KU departments, you name it, they knew Jay. I know that so many people are now a little bit more caring, a little bit more compassionate, a little bit more understanding because Jay became a part of their daily or weekly routine.

When I started working at the Beach Center my junior year in college, I really had no intention in going into special education. Sure, I was an education major and it was my minor, but there really wasn’t an interest there other than it would be a great background as a classroom teacher. However, after being Jay’s job coach for two and a half years, I knew that I wanted to make a difference in the lives of children with disabilities. Jay had shown me what was possible, and I wanted to help give others the same opportunities that he had had. And so, here I am, a third year special education teacher, owing what I do with my life everyday to Jay.

It’s hard to imagine that I will never give that secret handshake again, that I will never share that inside joke, that I will never see those hands raised high up in the air singing to any song that comes on the radio. But I know that my life and that so many others is better in more ways that I can ever put into words because of Jay Turnbull.

Lauren Priest

from Sandra Mc Clennen

2009-01-29T11:26:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud, Amy and Kate,

It is with much sadness that I learned of Jay's death. Memories flood me - Ann's account of getting Jay out of the institution and bringing him home to have the opportunity that everyone should have - to be a real person and to live with one's own family; his living on campus as an adult with support and friendship from a fraternity and many campus friends; the struggle to find services as Jay grew older and Anne D's assistance with that; the outpouring of love from Jay's circle of family and friends as you planned supports for Jay should he outlive you.

When I think of Jay, I think of love - all the love that he brought and that coalesced around him, touching everyone who knew him. He has left an amazing legacy.

With much affection,
Sandi

from the Hagenmaiers

2009-01-29T11:18:00.003-06:00

Rud and Ann,

I am reading once again the words that Ann so eloquently wrote and then spoke at Emily and Eric's wedding last year. With a tear in my eye I'm repeating this line that you wrote, " You celebrate diversity - I see it in your interactions with our son, JT, in affirming that even though he experiences disabilities and is less able, he is not less worthy." And although I only had the opportunity of meeting Jay once, that "worthiness" was apparent.

How fortunate Jay has been to have you two for parents - and Kate and Amy for sisters.

And how fortunate the four of you to have had Jay.

Love to you all,

Debby and Carl

From Samara Klein

2009-01-29T11:17:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

I wanted to let you both know how much I enjoyed working with Jay and how much I learned from him. I was also always amazed at all you both did to ensure that JT fully participated in all aspects of life and also ensured that so many peope in the community would have their lives enriched by interacting with JT. I am sure I am among many other people who will be a better advocate and person in general for having known Jay.

I know that this iwll be a difficult time for your family. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Warmest regards,
Samara

From Susan Atkins

2009-01-29T11:14:00.002-06:00

Rud and Ann,

I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your son's death. I never had the good luck to meet him but have heard you, Ann, talk about what a wonderful guy he was and how much he "gave" to you, your famliy, friends, and co-workers. I am so sorry. He was so loved.

Take care,
Susan Atkins
Washington State Parent to Parent

From Karen

2009-01-29T11:12:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I saw the write-up in the paper and it just made my heart ache. I wish I had better words to express myself, but I don't. Just please know that I hold you dear in my heart, and wish you solace in your times of sadness. My condolences to you and your family.

Hugs,
Karen

from Ann Weick and Dennis Saleeby

2009-01-29T11:09:00.001-06:00

Ann, Rud, and Family,

We are so sorry to learn of Jay's death but know that through his life and your work, a life-affirming revolution was started.

Ann Weick and Dennis Saleeby

From Tom and Elizabeth

2009-01-29T11:07:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

We cannot begin to express our sadness for your loss -- for the loss of all of us fortunate enough to have lived in Jay's community. His work, and the work of so many others in his honor, inspire and humble us.

Please know how present you have been in our thoughts as you remember, celebrate, and praise Jay's life.

Very truly yours,
Tom and Elizabeth

From Barbara and Justin

2009-01-29T11:06:00.001-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

May the many treasured memories of Jay comfort you and your family. Your son was a truly inspirational young man.

Sincerely,
Barbara and Justin

from Kathy Brill

2009-01-29T11:05:00.002-06:00

I wanted to be with you so much at Jay's services. I can only imagine the pain and loss you were experiencing. Please know that I was thinking of you and holding you both in my heart throughout those very tough days. I have heard so many wonderful stories about Jay over the years. I wish I had had an opportunity to meet him. Please know that I am here to support you at any all times.I am sending a donation to Jay's Fellowship as a token of my sincerest desire to be a part of his legacy.

With much love,
Kathy Brill

From Bonnie and Dan

2009-01-29T11:04:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud, Ann, Amy, and Kate,

I can't even imagine all the feelings you must be having. Certianly one, I know, is the joy of 41 years with Jay. May all of those memorieis bring peace and joy and comfort. Good bless Jay!

Love,
Bonnie and Dan

From April

2009-01-29T11:02:00.004-06:00

Ann and Rud,

My heart is heavy on learning about the loss of your son's physical presence. May you both find some peace and some inspiration knowing how many of us have been, and continue to be, impacted by his life.

April

From Sandra and Jack

2009-01-29T11:02:00.001-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Jay brought powerful inspiration. Oh, how we feel the heartbreak and pain you are experiencing, and it is true that no words can adequately express these thoughts.

We were comforted by your expression of sympathy when our daughter died suddenly and unexpectedly only a year and a half ago. How unfortunate and unfair that we find ourselves now expressing our condolences to you. Although your life will be forever changed, time does in fact diminish the stabbing and constant pain of loss.

Sandra and Jack

from Susan Fowler

2009-01-29T11:00:00.002-06:00

Dear Rud and Ann,

I am so sorry to learn about the passing of J.T. What an amazing life he lead with the visionary support you and your family, colleagues, and friends provided. His life, full of opportunities to really live and be part of a community will long serve as an inspriration.

But I'm sure while you celebrate all he made of life, you'll miss his presence and his wk/end visits. My heart and prayers go out to you , Kate and Amy and all the friends he touched.

Please know that I am here for you during this time of sorrow.

Susan Fowler

from Keith McVilly

2009-01-29T10:57:00.001-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud, Amy, and Katherine,

Thinking of you at this time and remembering the inspiration of Jay.

Thoughts from " Down Under"

-Keith McVilly

from Gary and Mary Baugh

2009-01-29T10:39:00.005-06:00

Rud and Ann,

We are so sorry for your loss of J.T. We so enjoyed meeting him and all of your family back in the 80's and 90's. I know how much J.T. meant to Christi and how he inspired her to choose her career.

Christi also admired the two of you as well as your daughters. She enjoyed working for you very much!

Again, please accept our sympathy and our prayers!

Gary and Mary Baugh

From Lourdes Pereira

2009-01-29T10:36:00.002-06:00

Dearest Ann and Rud,

My condolences on the passing of JT. I have the fondest memories of him, your family, and the Beach Center. I still remember taht JT kept me in his prayers while I was in Kansas. It has been a pleasure and an honor to have known JT and all of you. Thinking of you and wishing both of you the best.

Lourdes

From Barbara

2009-01-29T10:34:00.002-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

I read Jay's obituary in the Lawrence Journal-World and my heart breaks for you. I saw my parents grieve after my brother died, so I know it is a hard time.

I hope there will be some comfort in all the memories you have and in knowing you were great parents to a great son.

Take care of yourselves and let other people help you.

Barbara

from Don Meyer, Terry DeLeonardis and family

2009-01-29T10:33:00.012-06:00

Dear Rud, Ann, Kate, and Amy,
I was so sorry to learn of Jay's passing. I never had the privilege of getting to know Jay, but feel as if I did through your warm stories, writings, and Kate's contribution to our sibling book and her amazing eulogy. ( I have shared the link to Kate's eulogy with members of our SibNet on Facebook community.)

Jay's legacy is the creation of services and respect for families of people with disabilities all over the US and beyond - which I have to think is not bad work for a guy who never learned to read !

Please accept our deepest sympathy and please know you and your entire family are in our prayers.

Don Meyer, Terry DeLeonardis and family

From Linda and Dick Mann

2009-01-29T10:33:00.003-06:00

Dear Ann and Rud,

Dick and I were so sorry to hear about Jay. He brought such a wonderful dimension to all who knew him, and you and Jay were such a model for us in our days in Lawrend with Kim. You are in our prayers.

Linda & Dick

from Sharon Walsh

2009-01-29T10:30:00.004-06:00

To Ann, Rud, and Family,
Please remember so very many of us are sending lots of love and prayers to you all. It is so very sad and I am so sorry for your loss.
The website is such a wonderful tribute to Jay and his family! Please take care of yourselves!
Thinking of you and sending lots of good thoughts and prayers -
Sharon Walsh