From Connie Hawkins

Hello you two,

When I first heard the news about Jay, my concern for the two of you was mixed with a happy thought.  I remembered a conversation in which an excited Jane Smith told me about her cute friend Jay and maybe going somewhere with him. I want you to realize that my thoughts were not about Jay with a disability but a young man that girls thought was "cute".  Jay's legacy includes what he taught his parents and the rest of us, through your example and work, about looking at life not disability.

Rud, the last time we saw each other you said that without Jay you would be still be lawyer in NC.  My very Irish, mountain, Presbyterian heritage includes a strong belief that Jay was meant to be the teacher. I do know that we all benefited from his lessons.  You two definitely know his impact on your lives but I hope you understand how blessed the rest of us have been because you shared your lives and lessons.

A couple of months ago, a struggling parent came into the office to cry and talk.  I listened for a while, went to the book shelf, and handed her my worn copy of "Disability and the Family" opened to the chapter on the "shoes test".  Jay taught you, you taught me, and another parent will teach her family and the professionals supporting her son to listen with both ears and heart and learn.

I love you both and Jay lives on my bookshelf, in my heart, and in my work. You deserve to grieve but know that there are hugs from thousands of parents for you. 

Connie